It's tradition in our family to go on some sort of outing during the Christmas season to reinforce notions of togetherness. Second City, a stage show, non-stop eating at Mandarin, something of the like.
This year mom and dad took us on an outing we've been waiting for all our lives: Medieval Times.
Admit it. You've always been a little bit curious about what happens at Medieval Times. You've also kind of wanted to eat a huge chunk of meat with your hands, and have it be okay.
Well I'm here to tell you Medieval Times allows you to do just that. One week ago the fam and I donned our paper crowns and headed to the Times to see what all the fuss was about.
Now, to be honest, I was more interested in the food than the show. You pretty much get half a chicken plopped on your plate and are told to go at it. The random woman sitting beside my brother asked for cutlery. She clearly did not understand where she was.
So half a chicken, half a potato, and a piece of garlic bread later I came up for air. Jesse questioned why they bothered giving us a single pork rib each. I think the barbecue sauce helped wash down the chicken grease.
I can't say I was unimpressed with the show. I can say, however, that my favourite part was when one of the horses took a huge shit right after being introduced. Yes, I'm 25 years old and animals shitting make me laugh. And cheer. And elbow my 15-year-old cousin and exclaim "Look at the shit!"
I don't think I anticipated the show to actually have a story. And again, I was so busy eating I didn't quite follow the plot. I can tell you that the knight assigned to our seating area -- the red and yellow knight, pictured above -- did not win. Major disappointment.
I did enjoy the jousting and sword-fighting, and horsie tricks. At one point they made one horse dance around the arena. I felt a little bad for him, but also thought we'd probably be friends in real life.
I also found myself questioning what qualifies one to become a knight, and whether they have aspirations beyond that. I mean, they need to be able to act. And handle themselves on a horse. I imagine courses that combine both skills are few and far between. But I could be wrong. Really, I decided, they have a pretty fun job. Beats living in an office cubicle, I think.
After the show we had the option to stay and socialize with the knights at the bar. Instead, we chose to get in our cars and leave. But I've still got a paper crown and commemorative plastic beer cup to remind me of the greatness that was our visit to Medieval Times.